haha.

its fun how stuff works.

law of attraction my ass.

dreeezy

"sweatpants, hair tied, chillin' with no make up on.

that's when you the prettiest, i hope that you don't take it wrong"

what ever happened to some natural beauty, accented by a little bit of makeup and some backed up personality. im not saying look ugly on purpose, but don't try so hard so to eventually look so fake n caked-up with makeup.

simplicity

the end of freshman year....

as i sit here, in the big lounge, with my physio notes out (though. not really studying). awake because of some random girls talking loudly, i begin to reminisce of this year... it's been a hell of an adventure.

our college career technically started in the summer, during our freshman orientation. we were all new to the experience and our surroundings. we had no idea what to expect since we were just fresh out of high school and enjoying our summer. we met our first batch of friends, the people who we related to, or hung out with, first. the one's who we "added one facebook" and whatnot. having somewhat small talk conversations like "hey, how many classes are you taking?" once school started in august, we were thrown in to the college life. we got to experience first hand the lax attitude of some teachers, as well as the hands-off teaching styles of certain micro professors....

as expected, everyone hung out with the friends they made at orientation. the guys hung out with the guys, and.... everyone else did their own thing. we continued college, a few mishaps with the residence office, probation, blah blah. we lost two guys in the middle of first semester. jared and erik. though i did not really hang with jared that much, he, at times, could be really down to earth. erik correos, one of the nicest, generous, humble guys i have ever met. he was from nor-cal, so that meant he'd be away from his home town for a while. it was saddening when he broke the news to us, but it was for the best. he will always be remembered as the guy from nor-cal in casa5. after they left, we were left with 9 casa boys. since the semester was seeming to come to an end, i tried to get myself, and some of the guys as well, on track regarding school work. i might have gone overboard, and "nagged" tayo. my bad. after that little altercation, i started hanging out with marc and the girls, not for the wrong reasons, but since they provided a proper study environment. i got closer to them by the time christmas came around. winter break was, honestly, one of the best breaks i've had. despite getting fired from my work-study job (bitches...) i got closer to everyone. build-a-bears, top ramen, earrings, metro-park, heritage, movies, M shop, islands, ikea, AA sale, BJ's, LACC. it was all for the sake of going out, to just have fun and hang out with friends.

second semester started and, hell, we were one semester away from summer freedom. the first two weeks of school, we were out and off the mountain everyday. from going to santa monica, to promenade, to westwood, to topanga, and even inland to go laser tagging and get some buffalo wild wings. it was the most fun we've had. it didn't hit us, however, until the classes started getting more demanding. we realized we couldn't be going out every night, since we had to keep up with our studies as well. finally, springbreak came around, another period of fun and relaxation. hitting up 24 hours fitness, burbank, the valley. it was all fun. after springbreak, we hit a few bumps and bruises... regardless of whatever happened, we still seem to be "cool" with each other, small doses are good :] .

as far as school goes, im quiet confident in my "knowledge" of the material. the first of my finals started with sociology with, my love, professor melendres. it was a straight forward final, a few short answer and two essays. this was probably the only final i studied hard for, since, i spent most of the class on youtube, facebook, etc... the second final came to physio lab. i didn't study much for this since, all of chang's tests are straight forward, so i just reviewed the main points. psychology was the next one, on a monday. it was open book, so i didn't bother. english's final was a 5page essay due on wednesday. i spend tuesday afternoon writing my essay, even with certain distractions, i still managed to finish it before 6pm. wednesday also included our chemistry final. again, minimal study time accompanied by xbox live and gears of war2.. today is my physio lecture final, i just reviewed my notes, while i watched DFish knock Scola out...

is it bad that im comfortable with the amount of studying i've done? i often see other people study and stress way more than i do, and i wonder, should i be in the same position? frantically questioning my abilities to do well on a test? i've never been one to judge or whatever, but i find the best coping skill to deal with test anxiety is to relax, listen to some music, and review slowly. don't cram. it just overwhelms you.

anyways, summer is about.... 4-5 hours away (7...since i don't leave til 2pm..) but its right there. the weather certainly agrees. there's no definite answer to what this summer holds, but i hope we can all get together at some point, to reminisce about all the crap we've been through this year, as well as make new memories.

am i wearing the same clothes i wore last friday?

with the school year coming to an end, the "emo-ness" of everyone seems to be coming out, so here's my turn to be "emo." as i sit here, in psych class, we've watched two presentations already, both of which involving the sentimental memories of each presenter. this makes me reminisce about the memories of my own childhood, even the more recent memories which have been fabricated in the past year (my freshman year of college). from messing around in english class with father obrian, to speech class with halperin, even the useless studying of micro. we all had our fun. first semester. second semester was somewhat different, we were more comfortable with the people around us, we got used to the life and we were able to adjust accordingly. despite all the memories, we also encountered various bumps and bruises which made us not want to continue. we lost a number of friends to the treacheries of "private college life" but we all still remain a "family" among each other. now there is only a week left of school, the scent of summer is just right around the corner, its just a matter of getting through the dreaded finals but also, the inevitable consequences of our performances this year is starting to hit us. once christmas passed, and the second semester started, we just wanted to have fun. micro was over, our classes got less stressful, and we were one semester away from the end of school. for the first few weeks, it seemed like we were out EVERYDAY, going to the beach, going to the mall, going to the other mall, going to chino, walnut, where ever we could go, just to get away. the semester went on, A LOT of drama happened, but whatever. it only got us closer together, showing the true personalities of people. once i got kicked out of my dorm, seemed like everything was going to go downhill. however, it only made me want to strive harder, to show people that i can do it, regardless of my surroundings. with one more week, i still have a lot of prove, but i can almost feel it. reading my older posts, i've gone through a lot of emotional standpoints, some influenced by the bravery of other people, some provoked by the good, and bad sides of people. the post before this one was due to a possible breakdown right before finals. thank god for people to talk to. i told three people how i was feeling, and each person told me to "finish strong, you've worked so hard to get where you are now, finish up" if it weren't for the down-to-earth personality of the people around me, i don't know where i'd be. so. alphabetically, thanks tiff, sam, gianina, kristina, jocelyn, marc, brian, mike, diane, jj, mary, and guil. you've all influenced me this year, from either telling me to sit back and relax, to pushing me to do my best. though next year won't be as enjoyable as the one we just had, hopefully, we'll all be able to adjust, yet keep the same relationships we all created this freshman year of college.

do work

a year of stress, pain, suffering, doubt, irritation, frustration, contemplation, relaxation, concentration, arguing, harmony, strain, all culminating in the last 2 weeks of my freshman year of high school.

i've always felt that studying/test taking was second nature to me.

i rushed into college with the mentality of

"im gonna do it, no ones gonna stop me, im not gonna fail"

i've come to the realization that this type of attitude, though affective, is never permanent. there will always be that little factor, that X factor that will inhibit you from performing your best. what do i do? i've never really been able to achieve anything significant. i've always been on the sidelines, watching, and congratulating as others succeeded. i was always fine with that. i never really liked the limelight, due to the fact that i was never really one to seek it. i'd receive the occasional "hey you're smart" and my simple reply would be "not really, she's smarter" i graduated high school just shy of making the top 25% of my class (i was rank 26 out of 88). seemed fine to me, as the others deserved it. i never really asked for much. i don't expect much. i just do. i work, and if i work, i tend to pass just enough to get by. so what's happening with me now? have i met something that even I can't deal with? part of me wants to just sit down and quit.

and then she said, "believe in yourself, i know you can totally do it, there's nothing stopping you"

loving imperfection

haven't written in a while. i guess because i haven't been properly inspired in a while.

this one came while playing xbox~

i was watching "g's to gent's" and there was this guy who ended up having to slang rocks in order to support his family, especially his mother. is it possible to be so self-less that you wind up hurting everyone around you, usually by hurting yourself?

anyone with a right mind would say "always try to help yourself first before others." but is it that easy? some people can't stand being in luxury while the people around them are going through tough situations. they try their best to support each other in dire times, but there is only so much one could do. and if you don't pay attention, you may wind up hurting yourself in the process. on airplane flights, they say "please strap your oxygen mask first before strapping your child's." i guess it makes sense since, if you dont strap yours on and die, who will strap on the child's....?

oh and on another note....

miley cyrus' the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side

It's the climb

may sound corny. but she's right. there's always going to be another obstacle standing in your way. there is always going to be hardships that you will have to go through. there will always be someone out there who is "better" than you. there's no stopping it. sometimes the bad situations will get the best of you. possibly even overwhelming you. the only option that leaves us, however, is to get up and try again. but its not about talking shortcuts, nor is it even about getting to the end. its about "the climb" its about how we go about doing things. applied to our lives, its how we live our life. we can go about it complaining, as things usually don't go our way, or we can make the best of bad situations. i know i may have said this before, and i always say it.. but:

life is full of obstacles, overwhelming us,

getting us to think we're not good enough.

but thats what makes life worth it.

the little bumps we go through,

the imperfections,

the trials and tribulations.

nothing can compare to that.

best week ever. supposedly

"we're just ordinary people"

no heat vision, no levitation, no super strength.

we're just people who live our lives like everyone else. we try our best to make things better. we do stuff to better ourselves and those around us. we make due with what we're given. however, sometimes things don't go our way. sometimes our "best" isn't enough. sometimes you try to do the right thing, but it just backfires. whatever. we're then only left with two options: mope around or get up and keep moving. we rise and we fall, but thats life. there would be no upsides to life without the downsides. though it may suck, the little mishaps that happen to us is what makes life worth living. who would want to live a perfect life? never getting hurt, never losing anything. that'd be real boring. the obstacles in life that we encounter are the most exciting things. being able to handle yourself. it's not that easy to predict what will happen in the future, how things will turn out. all you can do is prepare. prepare to deal with choices and consequences. sometimes it seems like its too much to handle. sometimes we get overwhelmed with everything that we just want to break down and burst into tears. there are always people there to comfort you. the people who are available to talk. the people who would, to the best of their abilities, help you through your situation.

having gone through so much in the past few weeks/months, i've learned to not be afraid to let out your emotions. holding them in is just like suppressing a ticking time bomb. it'll explode eventually. instead, if you have to cry, then cry. then, wipe your eyes clear and rise above the situation.

as the semester begins to wind down, we can feel the pressure increasing. we can see where we stand regarding our academics and we know where we need to be. at the same time, there are other things that have grabbed our attention. it's easy to put things off 'til later, but sooner or later, we're going to have to set our priorities straight.

do work.

hunger-induced irritation.

"when you've done something right, people won't notice that you've done anything at all"

you try to do the right thing, and go about it without boasting. without seeking recognition. not expecting any type of prestige. but once you've made one small mistake, everyone makes it their business.

-------------------

while at work today, i was told the funniest thing

"keep a hold on your parents"

as if i had absolute control over them.

totally dude!

sorry for not having my own parents on a leash. i wasn't raised to tell them what to do.

its funny how spoiled children act. you can spot them easily while they're young, always whining to their parents until they get what they want. you'd think they they would change their attitudes as they grew up and matured, but ironically, it just changes into different, more advanced forms of being bratty. they now whine about not being able to go out with friends, getting a new car, a new phone, even whining about lack of attention. if they don't get the attention they want, they will make their own attention, even if it means being loud and obnoxious.

then there is the infamous "keep your parents in check" attitude. it is easy for a spoiled child to tell their parents what to do since, quite frankly, they've been doing it all their lives. but to children with more... traditional upbringings, we would be out of place, since we were conditioned to treat elders with respect.

-rant over-

scratch that last note~

sometimes people (and even friends) judge you based on situations that you are not able to control. you have no way of manipulating what will happen, but you do your best to make it better. still it doesn't make it better, and you become an asshole because of it. its all your fault this happened. its all your fault that occurred. and even when they have nothing to do with the matter (and that they're not even involved) they still have their input.
i've always said "i hate generalizing," classifying a group of people into a certain category. but, previously, i generalized. i generalized the very notion of "friend". sometimes they are NOT always there for you. sometimes you can't count on them. sometimes no one is there to support you. at these times all you have is yourself. yourself and your family.
im not saying "friends are useless, dont have them," im just saying that sometimes, not ALL of them can have the same notion of friendship.

then there is the concept of "sell out"

"One who betrays a cause for personal advancement."  

(according to urbandictionary.com)

this phrase is tossed around a lot, and is usually used to describe people and their actions.
and apparently, im one too. but not for "personal advancement"..i guess?
so. i lied. the truth came out one way or another, and it came out worse than expected. ok, i can deal with that.
but does "selling out" also include telling the truth to higher authorities who hold significant power that can affect your future?
if so, then. dam im all sold out. hmm
---------
its kind of strange how people act in certain situations. they can be your best friends, then after an event, they can resent you. then what made us act like friends in the first place? were we even friends? or just simple acquaintances.  

so. this sounds kind of emo.  so. i pulled a bitch move. get over it.  let's do what actual friends do and support each other in times of hardship.  

if not, get out of my way and let me solve my problems myself.  

friends.

people who are there for you.

people who won't leave your side.

people who will take care of you.

people who are always there to talk.

people who you can count on.

people who are willing to sacrifice.

people who you can tell everything.

people who can make you laugh.

people who can change your life.  

may seem cheesy, but its funny how the people you see everyday can make the biggest impact on your life.  the very people who you just met a few months ago can be the biggest influences in your life.  you never realize it at first, but eventually it becomes clear who your friends are.

you don't pick your friends, 

fate does.  

dance with the devil.

Dance with the devil - Immortal Technique

since i haven't listened to it in a while, 

i decided to listen to 

immortal technique's "dance with the devil."

every time i hear this song it always gives me goosebumps

it's one of those songs that really makes you appreciate the life choices you've made and the people who've influenced you through out life.  

sometimes we don't always make the best decisions, but we can always fix what we've messed up.  

"so when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never

because the dance with the devil might last you forever"

its funny how stuff today always encourages us to do our "dance."  and once we've had a taste, we always seem to want more.  it always enters our life in ways that we won't notice right away, but, for some reason, we are always welcoming of it.  

there's no way of avoiding our encounters with "said evils" but we can always make the right choices.  

deep

for the love birds

i love you

three simple words that can mean a lot.  

it can start wars, it can start relationships.  it can even end relationships, and possibly friendships.  its such a powerful phrase that should be used with caution.  

we say it to tell our significant other that we "love them."

but why bother say it if you don't mean it?  people now-a-days tend to say it a lot, but what's the point.  sure, there's nothing wrong with expressing your love to your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, but what's the point if you have to constantly remind them that you love them?  

saying "i love you" after every sentence seems kind of tacky.  

repeated use of "i love you" often lessens its value, people tossing the phrase around like it's nothing.  sometimes the rationale is "what everyone else says it, so i'll say it too." 

there are many definition's of love, and some people often misinterpret it.  

when you say "i love chocolate," is that the same as saying "i love you" ?  how can you love chocolate the same as a person?  

the misuse of the term can lead to false pretenses among young people today, leading to hollow relationships surrounded by infatuation.  

the meaning of love has changed from what it used to be, and now it can mean a whole variety of things.  people actually in love have their own meaning.  

i found, that the best way to view love in action is in one way: through your family and friends.  

(i guess thats two..)

they're the ones who will always be there for you.  who will love you unconditionally.  never judging you, and are there to guide you and support you.  

love is something not simply defined, 

but it just is.  

we grow up so fast..

so. spring break is over. after a week of xbox, going to the gym, burbank, eagle rock, glendale.  i must say, my first spring break of college was pretty laid back, which compliments my laziness perfectly.  

(sorry wasn't able to go to pomona)

over the break, i somehow ended up on youtube, looking for all my favorite childhood cartoons.  swat kats, mighty max, bobby's world, eek the cat, gargoyles, street sharks, biker mice from mars, darkwing duck. im sure there's more, but thats all i can think of right now.  cartoons back then were more entertaining compared to today's standards.  

stuff today has yet to reach the level of "badassness" of the 90's. 

time goes so fast that you rarely have time to enjoy it.  you're always going here, running there. sometimes we just need to stop and smell the roses.  as a child, we always enjoyed everything. we were grateful for every little detail, we had no preferences.  

on a side note:

im looking at a box of cigarettes, and on the side it says "quitting smoking now greatly reduces serious risks to your health. "  isn't it ironic that cigarettes are the only things that, if used properly, will result in health risks?  but yet, people don't seem to mind.  

Reminisce

after roaming around, finding myself on gianina's tumblr, i found one of the few recorded memories we have of our wonder years.  

Classroom w/ Mrs. Nabavi

being in college, thing's aren't as fun as they used to be.  as we grow in age, we take for granted how badass our childhood was.  just the other day, i found myself looking at the very same toys i had when i was a child, for sale on ebay for $200.  we grow up so quickly, that we tend to lose track of how much fun we're having.  i never thought i'd see the day that i would be driving a car, in college, and on my own (well. sort of).  on youtube, i found most of the cartoon's and action tv shows i watched when i was a child.  i remember sitting in front of the tv, watching rugrats, doug, and legend of the hidden temple, all in succession.  times were so simple, i didn't have a care in the world.

i was just a toddler "rockin' my thang."

looking back, i wish i could do it all over.  

no drama, no worries.

just be.

Chocolate Inspiration (recap)

you know how forrest gump said "life is like a box of chocolates"

he wasn't lying

here i sit with a newly opened box of see's chocolates. and i realize... 
i have no idea wth to eat. 
there is no way of determining what each piece of chocolate contains. 
do they assume i like everything? 
do they want me to take a bite out of everything until i find one i like? 
thats a waste of chocolate

i reached for my first piece of chocolate. i wanted something along the lines of cherry or raspberry or something. i got coffee... god knows i didn't like it, but i ate it anyway. my second piece was... CHERRY. hurray.
sometimes in life, you gotta take risks in order to feel alive, accepting any consequences which may follow. sure, sometimes its a bad outcome, but you learn from these. 
(i know which ones to eat now...)

in life, you never know what will happen. so many turns to take, so many forks in the road, who knows where we'll end up. sometimes we're able to scream out in rejoice, and sometimes we may just want to hide and escape reality. but as we go through life, we'll encounter numerous obstacles. a lot of curve balls to confuse us, a lot of unexpected news. we just have to learn to get over them. 

who knew a box of assorted chocolates could exemplify life. 

in times of crisis or hardship, it may feel like there are no more options left. no where to run and hide. but never forget, you can always reach for another piece of chocolate. there is always a glimmer of hope, you just have to find it. 
usually, you can turn to your close friends and relatives. the people who will always be there for you, no matter what. even if you messed up horridly, even if you've been too scared to tell anyone. they'll listen. the people who will always support you in your decisions. the people who want nothing for you but a good future. 

ok, maybe im veering off of the subject of chocolate and life, but my itunes seems to be playing songs in an order which somewhat.. relate. 

i guess tom hanks was right, you never know what you're going to get. but when you get something, the only thing to do is live.
no regrets.

kudos~