do work

a year of stress, pain, suffering, doubt, irritation, frustration, contemplation, relaxation, concentration, arguing, harmony, strain, all culminating in the last 2 weeks of my freshman year of high school.

i've always felt that studying/test taking was second nature to me.

i rushed into college with the mentality of

"im gonna do it, no ones gonna stop me, im not gonna fail"

i've come to the realization that this type of attitude, though affective, is never permanent. there will always be that little factor, that X factor that will inhibit you from performing your best. what do i do? i've never really been able to achieve anything significant. i've always been on the sidelines, watching, and congratulating as others succeeded. i was always fine with that. i never really liked the limelight, due to the fact that i was never really one to seek it. i'd receive the occasional "hey you're smart" and my simple reply would be "not really, she's smarter" i graduated high school just shy of making the top 25% of my class (i was rank 26 out of 88). seemed fine to me, as the others deserved it. i never really asked for much. i don't expect much. i just do. i work, and if i work, i tend to pass just enough to get by. so what's happening with me now? have i met something that even I can't deal with? part of me wants to just sit down and quit.

and then she said, "believe in yourself, i know you can totally do it, there's nothing stopping you"